Licker and Lies

August 7th, 2018, 11:20 am

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From the Author
VanHeist August 7th, 2018, 11:20 am
Some astute readers have correctly predicted this eventuality:
That somebody was gonna get licked by a cow.

If you’ve never had the privilege, here’s a way for you to try it out at home: Find yourself a nice bunch of newspaper (or a bunch of those junk mail ads or shopping circulars will do), wrap it into a nice, heavy roll, give it a good dunk in some Windex (or an ammonia-based household cleaner), and then slide the whole mess upside your face or head. Maybe take a whiff of the wastebasket while you do so, or a sniff of some compost.

I’ve personally found the experience to be neither pleasant nor especially unpleasant; like Pablo, it’s just unsettling in a peculiar way, and rather unlike being licked in the face by a dog (though cows do seem to enjoy the act of licking whatever wanders within range).

Oh, and cows also provide biological evidence that Gogo is not in Kans—-er, Oz, I guess—anymore.

Danged useful creatures, them cows.

- van